


Joe Would Be Hot...

by aimai



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:31:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4518480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimai/pseuds/aimai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With ham for hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joe Would Be Hot...

**Author's Note:**

> i have no excuse for this  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=510ZDzxxXcA

Joe Trohman was a fairly attractive man -- scratch that. He was a _very_ attractive man. It was a fact, a law of the world that Joeseph Trohman would forever be Irresistible, woah oh oh oh oh, and you knew this. Especially because how close you two were, but then one night... an oddity had struck you two out of nowhere. It was an oddity that cursed, or perhaps  _blessed_ both you and Mr. Trohman. 

"Don't... don't look at me!" Joe turned away from you as his voice cracked with distraught. He fell to his knees, weeping.

"Hey... what's wrong?" You walked slowly to him, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder. You hear him whimpering, almost crying as you approach his body, "Joe. What happened?"

The guitarist's head hung as he continued to whimper, and as you peeked over his shoulder, you discovered something tragic. 

Joe had ham for hands.

"Oh my God," Joe looked up at you with tearful eyes as you let your astonishment slip from your mouth in the form of curses and words that I cannot type right now because I do not have an extensive vocabulary (but you get the gist, "oooh, shocking"), "Joe. Your hands..."

"I know. They're... they're horrible... I know." Joe let his head hang once again as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"No," You put a hand on his shoulder, "No...you don't understand. You're _hot_... when you have _ham for hands_."

Suddenly, Joe quickly rose to his feet and did a quick Trohmania. How he did this with a bad back, I don't know. But it must've been awesome.

"Are you serious?" His face lit up once you gripped his cold-cut limbs. 

"Yes... You're hot. _With ham for hands_." 

Joe shed a single tear as he stroked your cheek with one of his newly cured, salted appendages. You felt the meat touch against your skin. You flinched at first, then relaxed into his touch, his cold, fleshy touch.

"Gross." Joe said once he heard my terrible narrative.

"I know..." You smiled.


End file.
